“No you don’t serve them? Well you can garlique my balls.”

Like usual, I have a problem. I go to these places, sit down and expect to order a basic meal. Yet sadly I’m left disappointed, because every kitchen doesn’t abide by what I’m about to say…

Every respectable restaurant, should sell garlic fries.

And here’s why: The monetary gain from selling garlic fries is tremendous. Let’s say that one head of garlic is $1.00 (not far off from reality). And let’s say that each head of garlic, yields at least 12 individual servings of garlic fries.

 Now pause on the math for a second, and let’s talk about real prices. Mohawk Bend (Echo Park, CA), for example: $4.00 for their regular fries, $6.00 for sweet potato, and $7.00 for chili cheese fries. They could easily throw in a $5.00 garlic fry option.

Now back to the garlic math! For those who aren’t math-savvy (me), let’s round the numbers. So if each order of fries costs the restaurant .08¢ to add garlic, and the mark-up of the entire dish is now $1.00, that shows a .92¢ profit on each order of garlic fries you sell. But is there a market to sell to?

Yes, there is… Because sometimes, a truffle-fry is a little too rich for what you want. Other times, sweet-potato fries may be the wrong flavor complex you’re looking for. It’s nice to have the option, if nothing but by french-fry-proxy, to add some garlic to your meal. And guess what? Oynx Lounge sells ‘em, Hayat’s Kitchen sells ‘em, The Fix Burger sells ‘em, along with a bunch of other kitchens. Even The Empanada Factory, an Argentinian mouth-hold, sells garlic fries.

And if you had to guess where the Garlic Capital of the World is, would you guess California? Nestled 5 hours and 310 miles North of my Glassell Park apartment, lies Gilroy, CA. Its Mediterranean climate, supported by offshore winds on the Pacific Ocean, create a relatively dry climate with temperatures of 90ºF in the summer months, and 34ºF during winter. Every summer, you can attend the Gilroy Garlic Festival which hosts a plethora of garlic-infused food stands, an amphitheater with live perfomances, and the Garlic Cook-Off Stage where constants compete with their original, garlic-inspired recipes in a cook-off!

photo from: gilroygarlicfestival.com
 I mean, shit, doesn’t that festival sound great? Garlic deserves to be married with fries for our enjoyment (and the restaurants’ benefit). Therefore, when I’m greeted with a “No, I’m sorry, we do not have them”, I’m shocked and a little saddened each time. It just makes sense. I mean, unless the chef has some crazy-big issue with garlic (check for other possible vampire signs), there’s no reason not to add it to the menu.

“What garlic is to food, insanity is to art!”       – A. Saint-Gauden

Featured image by: Thrillist.com

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